Madame Paradox

Mr. Whatshisname And The Old Biddies

Posted on January 25, 2011 by Madame Paradox

Trying something new this week. Used the silly photo below as inspiration to create a short story. Hope you enjoy it.

Lottie and Clara didn’t like the looks of the new neighbor. He must have moved in late one night when no one was looking because suddenly, on the third Tuesday in May, there he was peering up at the sky, long slim fingers shading his dark eyes from the glare. As if that wasn’t strange enough, ever since he’d arrived Clara had a melody playing inside her head that just wouldn’t quit. All day and all night a string of familiar notes rang in her ears. She couldn’t place it and she couldn’t get it to stop. No way to prove it was his fault of course, but the only alternative she could think of involved Clara losing her marbles.

Also, there was Lottie’s obsession with the new neighbor’s feet. Continue reading →

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged drought, Fiction, flowers, old biddies, old lady, piano, rain, writer, writing prompt | 30 Comments

I Don’t Eat Spotted Dick, But I Could Try

Posted on January 14, 2011 by Madame Paradox

Lately I’ve noticed online I’m enjoying the company of many people from the UK. Although it’s probably because they happen to be lovely and entertaining, there’s something more, something until recently I couldn’t quite put my finger on. It has come to my attention that my mother may have raised me to be secretly British.

First, there are the obvious things. My maternal grandfather was born in England and lived in Birmingham for the first 6 months of his life before his family made their way to America where the streets are paved with designer knockoffs. For some unexplainable reason the result of this pitstop in the land of Dickens, is that my grandfather acquired certain verbal mannerisms, and a fondness for afternoon tea. His daughter, my mother, then passed these anglophile words and behaviors down to me. Continue reading →

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged anglophile, Big Ben, British, children's books, children's memory, Dr. Who, earl grey tea, Emma Peel, Enid Blyton, funny, Humor, marmalade, reading, The Avengers, The Magic Faraway Tree, Toffee Treacle, UK, Upstairs Downstairs, writer | 24 Comments

Evolution, It’s Not Just For Dogs With Gas

Posted on December 31, 2010 by Madame Paradox

Some of you may recall I mentioned our family dog Pepper and his digestive issues in an earlier post. Poor Pepper. As a puppy he was sick all the time until the vet determined he was born without the ability to properly digest his food. We had no choice but to put him on a bland dietetic dog food regimen something akin to eating cream of wheat all day every day throughout his lifetime. This ailment forced Pepper-the-newborn to spend a lot of time indoors growing quite accustomed to his diminutive owners. The David’s as a general rule, are low to the ground. I’m not sure any one in my immediate family has made it to six feet tall. Continue reading →

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged agent, Blizzard, blogging, bravery, childhood memory, dog food, dogs, end of year, evolution, fear, gas, Humor, New Year, New York City, novel, old jewish man, puppy, raisins, scottish terrier, Snow, Tigger, writer, writing | 27 Comments

In Case This Writing Thing Doesn’t Pan Out – Xmas Edition

Posted on December 24, 2010 by Madame Paradox

I’m considering a few career alternatives. Which one do you prefer?

PERSONAL SHOPPER

Continue reading →

Posted in Alternative Careers | Tagged Black and White Photos, Career Search, Christmas, Christmas Tree, Humor, job, New Year, Presents, Santa, Sled, Snow, writer, Xmas | 8 Comments

What The Hell Do I Know About Santa’s Memoirs?

Posted on December 16, 2010 by Madame Paradox

I know, you’re confused. But Heidi you say, why does a nice Jewish girl from the suburbs think she can talk about the Kringle Extraordinaire? Point taken. But I figure if I simply apply my enthusiasm for chocolate and lingerie, to my enthusiasm for the big man in red, I’m sure to come up with something. Also, isn’t there some sort of mandatory kissing beneath a Dreidel bush followed by the eating of carbs? No? Am I confusing my traditions? Ah well, just let me give it a go.

Once again, New York Times Bestselling author Frank Delaney did a writing challenge on twitter. This time we were asked to write the opening lines of Santa’s autobiography. I have to say this one was much harder than Halloween. In large part due to my morbid sensibilities which don’t necessarily lend themselves to Xmas. Be that as it may I channeled my inner tinsel and came up with the options below. Continue reading →

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged character study, Chimney, Christmas, Elves, Fiction, Frank Delaney, Humor, New York Times Best Selling Author, Reindeer, Santa Claus, Sleigh, Snow, Twitter, writer, Writing Contest, Xmas | 8 Comments

A Xmas Tale Involving Chopsticks And Twitter

Posted on December 10, 2010 by Madame Paradox

At age twelve I had the extraordinary privilege of going to Japan with my parents. In Tokyo, wall-to-wall bodies filled the city. Huge billboards and traffic abounded. It felt familiar somehow, a combination of battling the crowds to get a view of the FAO Schwarz Xmas windows and surviving the pack in Times Square at New Years with one important difference. This huge sea of faces was all Asian. Continue reading →

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged Agents, Authors, childhood memory, Chopsticks, Christmas, Editors, Family, Hashtags, Humor, Japan, Japanese cuisine, Kyoto, New Year's Eve, New York City, Social Media, Times Square, Tokyo, Travel, Twitter, UK, West Yorkshire, Window Shopping, Writers, Xmas | 14 Comments

An Off-Kilter Lens

Posted on December 1, 2010 by Madame Paradox

Those of you who read My Safari Through The Asphalt Jungle might have noticed a particularly intriguing detail. A sentence of graffiti I discovered spray painted on a wall that read, “A lifetime of distorted judgements -Elbow Joe”. Of course this got me to wondering who this man might be. I think the beauty of imagination is that everyone has a different lens with which they view the world. Our life experience, our humor, our morality, our religious beliefs, any and all of these things effect how we interpret what goes on around us. It also effects what we create. That sentence and that name may get filtered into your synapses in a completely different way than my own, and I think that’s nifty. Below is a quick character study, my answer to the question: Who is Elbow Joe? Continue reading →

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged bats, character study, Creative Writing, Creativity, Fiction, graffiti, Imagination, lens, Native Americans, New York, writer | 10 Comments

My Safari Through The Asphalt Jungle

Posted on November 19, 2010 by Madame Paradox

No matter the love hate relationship I may have with Manhattan it is, and shall always be, an exquisite place to be a writer. A place that cries out to be observed and catalogued for future explorations into the funny, poignant, and surreal. Snippets of conversation, graffiti, odors both bitter and sweet, things familiar and all at once foreign.

Kids in front of a school. “Hey, let’s all get in a circle and put Lisa in the middle. Yeah, circle jerk, circle jerk,” the boy shouts.

“You don’t even know what a circle jerk is,” Lisa says in that tone that will someday make her husband’s teeth stand on edge.

“Well, neither do you,” the boy says, unsure if trying to get Lisa’s attention with this circle jerk idea was perhaps ill advised.

I race past them both, late as usual, glance over my shoulder praying they are teenagers and not a bunch of eight year olds. Continue reading →

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged Autumn, childhood memory, children, graffiti, Humor, Manhattan, Nail Salons, New York City, observations, Paul Lind, Playground, Rat, Subway, traffic, urban blight, Urban Dweller, writer | 11 Comments

A Few Love Letters To The Stupid Box

Posted on November 12, 2010 by Madame Paradox

Dear Ghost Hunters:

Even though I’ve spent years in advertising and am well versed in the art of video manipulation, I am completely on board. Just because there are never two cameras to corroborate moving objects doesn’t mean people should scoff. And although it would require superhero powers to hear the EVP recordings over the show’s music track, I assure you, I’m a believer. Continue reading →