How To Win Friends And Influence People

New Year’s greetings, friends. I haven’t posted any fiction in a while. My twitter pal @ChrisGNguyen sent me a link to a flash fiction challenge using a photo prompt. (You know how much I love those photo prompts.) I must admit I wasn’t feeling inspired by this one, but then of course some weird bit of silliness began to take shape in my warped brain. So the photo below is courtesy of the blog Litstack; for the love of all things wordy. If you’d like to write your own piece, publish it to your blog and leave the link in the comments over at LitStack’s flash fiction challenge. Enjoy.

How To Win Friends And Influence People

It seemed like a good idea at the time. Open one of them old timey costume places so families could come in and play dress up. With authentic get-ups like cowboys, flappers, snake-handlers, gangsters, and his personal favorite, French maids, it was bound to be a big hit. But then some Buddhist fella decided to build a monastery down the road. Turns out the kinda tourists that go visit monks aren’t all that interested in flashback photos. Continue reading

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Where Is My Popeil Latke Maker?

A Xmas pub crawl seems to have taken over my neighborhood. Hipsters wearing Santa Suits and elf costumes are collecting on street corners. First they fall down drunk then shout to their Mrs Claus counterparts about what bar to hit next. At what point did the youthful scourge of Saint Patrick’s day festivities infiltrate Xmas? What happened to tree trimmings, figgy pudding, peace on earth, good will towards Jews without someplace to go on Xmas eve? Speaking of which, it seems to me an equal opportunity pub crawl would be more fitting for a city that’s hosted the 99% protesters lo these many months. Why not a marauding pack of Maccabees on a tear looking for an oil lamp to fill? Continue reading

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It’s No Zombie Apocalypse, But I Have Some Concerns…

Don’t get me wrong I’m a big fan of technology from way back. Electricity is extremely handy. Owning a phone does cut back on all that shouting out of windows. I might even get call waiting one of these days. And hey, who doesn’t like a clock radio? But there are one or two issues I’d like to address.

It’s about the books. Or the end of them, I mean. It seems inevitable, does it not? One day we will e-book ourselves into oblivion and then bam, no more pages filled with type, no well-worn leather bound tombs, no dewey decimal system. In the blink of an eye, poof, it’s all gone. Continue reading

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A Clue To The Eternal Paradox Is Revealed

The time has come the walrus said to talk of my now-infamous Alice In Wonderland Birthday party.  I was approximately seven years old when my mother started reading Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland and Through The Looking Glass to me at night before bed. She and my sister devised a plan to create a Wonderland-themed party. But this was no head-over-to-ye-local-party-store kind of venture. Not for my family. Instead, they wrote an abridged version of the story suitable for seven year olds to read aloud, and created costumes using household items, oak tag and stage makeup. (Yes, I do come from a theatrical family; think the Barrymore’s only replace the excessive alcohol with bagels.) Continue reading

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Try Antifreeze For That Youthful Glow

Today is my birthday.

As many of my friends will tell you, I am ridiculously hard on myself. So I greet my birthdays with a rather punitive evaluation of where I’ve been, where I want to be, and all the ways in which I’m not there yet. This year is no different. As usual I am struggling to be satisfied, to be proud of what I’ve done, and not rail against my shortcomings.

Continue reading

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Shards of Fire and Ice

It is a place called Venice, and I am eight. Waterways crammed between ancient buildings, a man wearing a hat rows a funny-looking boat downstream with a long oar. He deposits us at our destination and floats off beneath a bridge. So many bridges, and not one made of steel and girders like back home. Continue reading

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Skin Deep

Hello friends. My apologies for taking so long to post. My paid gig has been driving me to the brink. Below is a story I’ve been working on for quite some time. (You may all remember in a previous post I mentioned my character Darryl?)

This story is inspired by a writing prompt from talented author, Chuck Wendig. Chuck is prolific, warped, and all kinds of funny. Just what a girl looks for in an author. He has an amazing blog called Terrible Minds that you will surely enjoy.

A while ago Chuck challenged his readers to write a piece of flash fiction based on some god-awful stock photography. This is my go at it. The photo that inspired this peculiar tale is beneath the story. Enjoy. Continue reading

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Happy Father’s Day

To all you dad’s out there. But especially to my remarkable dad. A man who is constantly reinventing himself to this day. Dad, your humor and intellect have impacted my life in a million different ways. Thanks for being you. And yes, that is my fabulous mother by his side. And yes, the flowered wallpaper in my childhood bedroom is hideous, I picked it when I was eight and didn’t realize I would have to deal with it when I was hungover at sixteen. But let us not dwell on my ill advised interior decorating skills, or the fact that there’s a very good chance there’s a Crystal Gayle album sitting underneath that stereo. It’s Father’s Day after all, time to celebrate…

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Of Shoes And Ships And Sealing Wax

From time to time I ask myself the important questions in life. For example, why is the dog in this picture pushing a baby carriage? Do I get enough fiber? How much NYC soot can I inhale before becoming the proverbial canary in a coalmine? And how does my mother get her kitchen floors to look so clean when she lives in the same dirty city as I? Continue reading

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Things I Stuck In My Mouth As A Child And Other Important Memories

One spring day, young Heidi climbed up the kitchen stepladder, reached into the back of the cabinet and located what appeared to be a luscious chunk of chocolate. Now, growing up in a house filled with dieters, I knew it was more likely I’d find Bert and Ernie playing Mahjong in that cabinet than candy. Still, it sure looked like chocolate. I held the square to my nose and sniffed, teasing myself with anticipation. Peeling back the waxy wrapper I gazed at my treasure, licked my lips, and went in for that first divine bite. Two seconds later of course, I spit out the unsweetened Baker’s chocolate with dismay.

Life is rarely what we expect it to be, is it? Continue reading

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