Writer Whacked in Effigy

For my eighth birthday my mother decided to craft a pinata.  Weeks of secretive preparation went into this endeavor while I peeked around corners, trying to get a glimpse of the item.  The night before my big day I could stand the suspense no longer.  I tiptoed downstairs just as the finishing touches were added to the candy-filled centerpiece.

As I neared the table, I noted its shape, a huge sphere. Was it globe?  Ah, how dear, mother giving her youngest daughter the world.  But no, it couldn’t be.  For the thing had hair.

Hair, you say?

Yes, hair.  Braided hair, in fact.  Made out of yarn.  For you see, the pinata before me was a gigantic likeness of my young head, hair parted down the middle, enthusiastic grin, and the like.

The next day guests arrived for the party with enthusiasm.  After presents were opened, and the customary Carvel ice cream cake was consumed, bats were distributed.  At which point all the children, myself included, smacked my paper maché head senseless until candy tumbled to the grass below.

I am certain this was a seminal moment in my writing career.  For I can think of no better analogy for the writing process.  The muses arrive with joyous song and garlands, of course.  (No self-respecting muse shows up without a garland).  “Come play with us,” they giggle, “ideas are sure to follow.”  They lure me towards the warm glow of my computer screen.  “Behold!  We have given you the gift of language.”  A three-part harmony swells and then…  The cherubic beasts crack my skull open with sledgehammers so that all the luscious treats trapped inside may tumble to my keyboard below.

I don’t know about you, but my muses have a fairly twisted sense of humor.

So come on, out with it.  Tell me some tidbit from your ridiculous childhood that’s made you the person you are today.  I’m all ears.

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About Madame Paradox

Heidi David is a writer and freelance producer. She is the author of an as yet unpublished novel, THE FLYING JEWEL; the tale of a traveling circus where the price of admission is one's free will.
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8 Responses to Writer Whacked in Effigy

  1. ilanarose says:

    I was the victim of mean girls all throughout junior high school. I remember coming into school one day and somebody telling me there was a picture of me by the gymnasium. My heart sank because I knew this could not be a good thing. I ran over and saw a picture of myself with a mustache drawn on it taped to the inside of the LOCKED trophy case. I had to get a custodian to unlock it for me so I could get it out. Potentially the same one that was bribed to get it in, in the first place. I could tell more mean girl stories but an ex-boyfriend once told me— don’t tell me any more stories about your childhood; it’s more heartbreak than I can take. But I think I’ve shaped my whole life around being the underdog.

    • There’s nothing I love more than the underdog. In fact, as a child he was my favorite float in the Macy’s day parade. Drawing a mustache on your picture? Really? Where did these children learn their skills, from a “How to Bully for Dummies” guide? Along with social skills they lacked originality.

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  4. —Great Story :))
    I have so many strange things about childhood. Um, lets see. I tripped up the steps to receive my certificate for crossing guard. I still blush thinking about it. The entire auditorium LAUGHED. Ooooh, What a dork I was….

    • I’m not sure at that age anyone would have given me a “license to guard”, so consider yourself far more advanced in law enforcement than I. 😉 You know, I haven’t read this post in a very long time and I still like it gosh darn’t, I really do. Thanks for stopping by.

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