a.k.a.  A writer procrastinates

Up until a few weeks ago I didn’t know a widget from a gadget, a tweet was a disturbing noise likely made by a mouse trapped beneath my oven, and AJAX* was a popular cleanser in the fifties.  Slowly but surely though I am learning, and I find my experiences have raised just a few philosophical questions.

If Heidi David becomes a fan of Heidi S. David, Writer on Facebook, do the two cancel each other out?  Or will a tree simply fall in the woods while one hand claps for it?

If I Stumble Upon myself will I need medical attention for some sort of inner ear disturbance?  Because my funds are low and I don’t have very good insurance.

Will my Bing searches be organic?  Because I try to avoid pesticides. And how many times do I have to be searched before I realize my lifelong dream to tie a cherry stem in a knot with my tongue?

If a yahoo searches Yahoo for other yahoos is it triply ironic?

Will I catch something if I Google myself or grow hair on my palms, and would the symptoms include googly eyes? Because I think I’ve already mentioned about the crappy insurance.

When I follow myself on Twitter will I know what’s going to happen to me before it happens?

And finally, as a special bonus, Heidi’s Twitter for Dummies guide:

Pick a username, write a bio.  Follow people. When someone follows you follow them. Don’t forget to explain yourself in 140 characters stupi

(I have to assume this guide exists somewhere already, but I’ll be damned if I could find it on the interwebs, so consider it my service to humanity.)

If you have the answers to any of these profound questions by all means leave a comment.

*Note: AJAX = something to do with computers that I can’t explain to you even if I tried.