News of My Demise Has Been Greatly Exaggerated

Hello my online pals. This is going to be short. I wanted to let you all know I am decidedly not dead, although occasionally lying in a pool of my own disoriented drool.

Have you missed me? No doubt you all have a long list of terribly urgent questions to ask, things like: Where are my witty albeit odd posts? What the hell is up with me? Have I learned how to spell judgement yet? Has that much needed growth spurt I’ve been waiting for my whole life finally arrived? Things of that nature. The answers are soon, I really couldn’t say, no not yet, and if anything I’m shrinking, in that order.

As some of you know, I have temporarily moved in with my parents until I get myself and my finances straightened out. They’ve been incredibly gracious and accommodating, (er…hi mom, see you at the breakfast table tomorrow morning…) But after living alone for over twenty years it’s been a bit of an adjustment. And I may have inadvertently put several of my synapses in storage along with all my worldly possessions. Which has made composing anything other than a few dirty limericks rather difficult.

Sidebar, are you aware that limerick is a much debated word in etymological circles? The simple explanation is that it comes from the Irish city of Limerick. That some gaelic poets with an axe to grind jousted in verses with a limerick metre. (We all know how belligerent those wordsmiths can get.) But the word was first documented in England in 1898 and was popularized by a man named Edward Lear in a book he wrote entitled “The Book of Nonsense”. (How sad are you that you have not published a tome called “The Book of Nonsense”?)

I will heretofore refer to this as the Post of Nonsense. Β You know I recently came across my first draft of an About page for this blog. It read as follows: “I am not processed cheese, I am not processed cheese, I am not processed cheese. If I were anything I might be a chocolate souffle, but alas I am not that either. I am however computer illiterate and very sassy.”

True story.

Where was I? Oh yes, the origins of Limerick. Others speculate it comes from the ditty “Wont You Come Up to Limerick” sung at stag parties when a drunken fellow, let’s call him Bob, encouraged his mates to come on up and do a kind of cross between rap and karaoke.

Still others speculate that a lady from Wheeling had a remarkable feeling that Bob and his buddies were spending far too much time at the pub and needed to buckle down, or they’d soon be spending a lot of alone time eyeing ye herd of sheep, if you get my meaning.

To sum up, I am working on a few things. I apologize for leaving you hanging, and as of this writing I am definitely not processed cheese.

xo -Madame P.

About Madame Paradox

Heidi David is a writer and freelance producer. She is the author of an as yet unpublished novel, THE FLYING JEWEL; the tale of a traveling circus where the price of admission is one's free will.
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21 Responses to News of My Demise Has Been Greatly Exaggerated

  1. chris says:

    How odd that I was just thinking “I should tweet to Madame Paradox and ask her where she’s been lately” and then I opened my email to find, lo and behold, a new M.P. blog post! Dirty Limericks and all. Great to see that all is as it should be.

  2. Marisa Birns says:

    So glad that you are alive and breathing, though if the air is anything like the hot mess it is in D.C., I suggest opening the freezer door… Hope you can unkink those finances soon, and since processed cheese is not tasty at all, am happy that’s not what you are.


    • Oh yes, ready to put my sassy lil head in the freezer today, indeed. Did I read correctly? Is today by chance your birthday? Hope it was a fun one, Marisa!

      Also, in case you were curious, I am not, nor have I ever been, any kind of spearmint gum. But perhaps that goes without saying… πŸ˜‰

  3. Jason says:

    Currently it is 106 degrees outside and my brain is cooked; it has been simmering all afternoon. And what do I find? Your post about nonsense, which disturbingly makes a lot of sense to me. I warned you my brain was cooked. Did I mention that I was actually kicked out of a bar in Limerick? It wasn’t as exciting as it sounds, everyone else was kicked out, too. I just made it sound even more exciting, didn’t I? But it wasn’t. It was all rather droll. I guess I should write a Limerick about it. A droll Limerick. I am glad you are well and that you are back πŸ™‚ Humor is such a rare commodity, needed now more than ever, and you are one of the best! Next time I comment on your blog my brain might not be cooked. We can always hope πŸ˜‰

    • I don’t know whether to be relieved or alarmed that this blathering silliness of mine made sense to you. lol And it really does sound exciting that you and possibly the ENTIRE TOWN of Limerick were rode out on a rail. πŸ˜‰

      Thank you for your kind words, Jason. And for coming back to read after all this time. I’m so glad I made you laugh.

  4. Steve David says:

    Welcome back to the interweb!

  5. About time you checked in, young lady! No wait, that’s your mom’s line…

    Unlike Jason, I have never been kicked out of a bar in Limerick. I have however been left drunk and asleep in a bar by two Aussies and a German in an Aussie theme bar called Ned Kelley’s Last Stand – in Hong Kong, across the square from the famous Peninsula Hotel (I think it might have have been in The Man with the Golden Gun – the Hotel, not the Aussie bar- the Bottoms Up Club was in the movie, and I was also in that bar, not the movie, but on a different day, and I didn’t fall asleep there – hm-mm, seems to be a theme here. Oh, and the Australian Hero/criminal Ned Kelley was born in a town called Beverage, so it’s doubly appropriate that there is, or was, a bar named after him.) Next question – so how long IS too long for a note in parenthesis? I think I just passed that length about three lines up.

    Good to see you, and your shockingly red background again.

    • I cannot express my gratitude for the highly entertaining awesomeness (yes that’s a word) of your reply. Also the knowledge that there is an Australian town called Beverage fills me with glee. Oh, that reminds me, my coffee’s ready…

      Thanks for stopping by and making me laugh. πŸ™‚

  6. It’s so good to see you again. Interesting bit about Limerick. Deirdre Gogarty competed in her first boxing match in the Irish town of Limerick.

  7. iampisspot says:

    I was starting to wonder where you were!

    • Thanks!. Still alive and kicking, I promise. πŸ™‚

      • Maddy C. says:

        Oh, to have the kind of parents one feels mentally safe to live with! Good to see you are in action and still at it. All my dreams are on hold in the name of rent. When will I grow up to be who I intended? Fight on sister, with sword (er, pen). Maybe a good time to consider doing work you love that pays less or, er, next to nothing? Volunteers get to do the coolest things. xxoo Maddy

  8. peterwilkin says:

    Oh boy! Have I missed you, Madame P. Dirty Limericks? You’re straying into my territory, for sure πŸ™‚
    There was a young lady from Gotham
    Who took out her synapses to wash ’em
    Her mom said ‘Oh Heidi
    They look so untidy
    Replace them, or your father might squash ’em!


    Ok, try this:

    I sat with the vicar for tea …

    Hm! Perhaps not! Hey! You know what you really need, mate ~ a couple of weeks in the UK to regenerate & just ‘be’ πŸ˜‰ xx

  9. peterwilkin says:

    Helloooooooo! *listens to echo bouncing off the walls of an empty & abandoned blog* 😦

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